In the Marina with a Dog Named Misery
In the Marina with a Dog Named Misery is the title of a book of emails sent by Edna Floretta in 2003 …….. the following is a sample of two entries….. which becomes sort of an artist diary ……..
email … thursday Feb 13th 2003
the stars are at war.
and i see no sense in wearing thousand dollar shoes to art openings full of greed and smuggery …..
when if you ask a few real people some real questions …. you get answers like…..
i told the other teacher to come to the office with me she needed to hear what i was about to say ….you cant yell at a child every morning for not doing his homework…maybe you should look at the pattern a little before yelling at the little person ….. how do you expect him to do his homework when he has no home to go to….i know for a fact he didnt eat supper last night….and he asked me for extra food to take home to his little brother…do you think he gives a shit about your homework ? when all he can think about is getting to school so he can eat ?
the stars at war.
i saw a picture of myself at a friend’s house ….. i was so beautiful then …. with my pretty sweater….and tiny body….my smile so carefree….back when i spent every night in a bar and had so many lovers …
but now the stars are at war.
and i have taken up my sword….
and every time i close my eyes i see myself on a galloping horse …. my arm swinging
the stars are at war.
and now i spend my saturday nights jogging after sunset … so that noone will see my breasts bouncing as i run …. and reading mark twain’s instructions on art …and admiring his charm ….
the stars are at war.
2nd email thurs, Feb 13, 2003
when i look into the mirror …. am i looking at myself … or am i looking at humanity ?
either way ….. it seems ugly.
i feel exhausted….. i have taken my mind and stretched it … and stretched it.
and i am tired and broke, the same as everyone i know who decides to create something beautiful ….
its so hard to tell myself art is worth my time….its so hard to believe that i may be an artist …. that someday i might leave the country …. that i am more than just some woman destined to work as a check out clerk all of her adult life …
sometimes i loose hope.
lots of times i cry.
its so hard to believe that you can …
when no one wants you to.
the woman in the mirror is so ugly, i wish she would disappear.
i told him that i wanted to just go into a house and never come out … im tired of trying
trying to make something beautiful, when everyone is so ugly
i overheard two parents ask their son… in preface to a rude and off color joke, the following question ….. ” you dont like black people do you ?”
my heart sunk. this is the america i know.
the america that admitted using black men to test out diseases without their knowing,
the america that sent black men to their bloodiest wars,
my heart is filled with rage and will not rest,
this has to be addressed….and children today need to hear the truth …the white people need to be put in their place… and the black dignity restored.
an apology to the children
we fucked up , we really fucked up, and this is the truth ….
the truth is that africa is full of beauty and intelligence
the truth is that it was a place of higher learning …..
it needs to be taught the true history …….it is time that a black man can look in the mirror and not see a drug dealer, a thief, a slave, nor ignorance .
it is time white people see that too.